How to Make the Holidays a More Joyful
for Children and Adults with Autism
by Jeremy and Ilana Hamburgh
As the founders of My Best Social Life, we are friendship and dating coaches for autistic adults. We teach them strategies and social skills to make friends and even encourage them to start dating. Navigating holiday gatherings can be difficult for all family members. As a grandparent, you want to have your loved ones with you, and you want it to be a warm and positive experience for everyone. Understanding your grandchild’s sensory triggers can help you to avoid them. Here are some of the reasons why people with autism may struggle at family gatherings and what you can do to help them:
Problem: The Unknown
Many thrive on repetition and routine and holiday gatherings are the opposite of that! Lots of people, bright or flickering lights, loud sounds and unfamiliar smells may increase levels of stress and anxiety.
Solution: Share the Plan Ahead of Time
Let your grandchild know the plans before the gathering, so they know what to expect and can anticipate them. Start with the basics:
- Who will be there
- What sensory inputs: lights, sounds, fragrances, holiday foods
- When the gathering will be beginning and ending
- Where it will take place
- Why some traditions may be upsetting and how to avoid them
Problem: Social Expectations
Your grandchild may feel like they are expected to talk to people. That expectation may be self-imposed or it might be explicitly expressed by a loved one. Either way, they are going into the family gathering knowing that there’s a big gap between what they are comfortable with and what is expected of them – and that creates its own anxiety.
Solution: Express Support for Their Own Expectations
Prior to the event, explain to your guests that your grandchild has special needs that may require some changes to holiday traditions. Modify activities to accommodate to everyone’s comfort level.
It can be reassuring to your grandchild if you empathize with their social discomfort and let them know that you are supportive of them, regardless of how much they interact with other family members. Reducing that performance pressure can put them more at ease, which may make them more willing to be engaged.
Problem: Sensory Overload
Many autistic adults are sensitive to and may be overwhelmed by loud music and chatter. Bright lights and even strong smells can also trigger anxiety. When a person’s brain is overwhelmed, it will be difficult for them to relax.
Solution: Be Sensory Conscious – Provide a Quiet Space
if you know that your grandchild gets overwhelmed in a loud environment, keep the music volume low or avoid playing music. Set aside a quiet place for your grandchild to relax and recharge – and tell them in advance that it’s okay for them to use that space.
If you have questions about how to make your family gathering autism friendly or want to discuss how we can assist your grandchild in navigating social situations, email to Jeremy-at-MyBestSocialLife.com. Everyone deserves to feel a spark of connection – and we are happy to explore how we can help.
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