Tips & Suggestions

You can make a deep and life changing impact on your grandchildren by being supportive to their parents and them whether you live nearby or far away. Support, affirmation and love will help to get your family through the challenges of raising a child with autism.

Research shows that early, frequent and loving involvement of family members is one of the best ways to help children with ASD.  Grandparents can give their families respect, acceptance, love and happy memories. Here are some suggestions about how you can regularly stay in touch, communicate and play an important role in your grandchildren’s lives.

1. Learn as much as possible about autism. Information about how children with autism see the world, how they communicate and act, will help you to understand and connect with your grandchild. Autism Speaks is a great site with answers to questions you may have and it provides lots of family resources.
2. If you go online together, it’s important to remember that children with autism may need more time to process information. Be kind and flexible because they may find it difficult to adapt to this format of being together. You may need to use gestures or other ways to communicate besides words. Use positive reinforcement. Praise good behavior – and do not take things personally if their responses are blunt.
3. There are many free online video chat services available such as Zoom, FaceTime, Skype and Google Hangout. Set up a regular scheduled timeline that works best for everyone to chat online.
4. Ask the parents about your grandchild’s specific interests, favorite activities and the best means of communicating with them. Search for materials about those interests that you can share when you talk together.

Here are some activities you might share:

• Cook a quick (30 minutes or less) favorite family recipe together. NOTE: Send a parent a list of ingredients in advance so the child has everything ready for your visit.
• Color or paint together using the same paint sets or coloring books you have sent to them, in advance.
• Work together on craft sets you have provided. Origami, felt work, ornaments and greeting cards are some projects you can share. Needlework like crochet, knitting, cross stitch and needlepoint starter kits are also available to send to them.
• Music lessons. If you play an instrument, help your grandchild to develop an appreciation for music. There are beginner’s music books for piano, guitar, violin, clarinet and saxophone.
• Read a favorite book to your grandchild online or record your reading and send it to them. Find picture books for younger children and, if possible, send your grandchild the same book so they can follow along with you as you read to them.
• If video contact is not possible, engage with email or phone calls on a regular basis. Send greeting cards, letters or care packages and always enclose your picture or a picture of you and your grandchild sitting together reading, talking, eating, laughing.

While these suggestions are ways you might more easily engage with your grandchild with autism, they may also be effective to stay in touch with your typical grandchildren. They, too, need your loving support!

Because children with autism require more attention, therapies and support, the needs of their brothers and sisters are frequently overlooked. Siblings share many of the same concerns their parents have regarding social isolation, the need for information and they worry about the caregiving expectations their parents have for them in the future. Sometimes, they feel resentment, embarrassment and under great pressure to achieve. They are frequently in the waiting room when “family centered” counseling and services are offered and are overlooked by support agencies.

Here are some ways you can help them:

• Plan to spend special time with siblings and be a good listener. If you provide a safe, comfortable environment, they may express their concerns to you.
• When siblings argue, try to remember that typically developing children deserve a life where they, like other children, sometimes misbehave get angry and fight. Try not to intervene with statements like “Leave your brother alone. You are bigger, you are stronger, you should know better. It is your job to compromise.” They are already more likely to feel guilty about their sibling’s developmental needs and most siblings have disagreements from time to time.
• Siblings deserve to have their own personal safety given as much as their brother or sister who has special needs. f they are in vulnerable situations due to aggressive or challenging behaviors, try to provide as much respite time as possible for them. Try to plan activities that will keep them apart and enable you to give your full attention to only one of them at a time.
• Offer to care for your grandchild with autism so that parents can spend personal time away with their sibling(s). It will convey the message that parents are supportive of all of their children and afford them the opportunity to communicate about their concerns.
• Important to Remember: One child’s special needs should not overshadow another’s achievements and milestones. Celebrate and reinforce the accomplishments of all of your grandchildren.

You may find more information about sibling support groups by calling your local children’s hospital or go online to these sites: http://www.siblingsupport.org/ and http://siblingleadership.org