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Pre-Holiday Suggestions

• Inform family members, in advance, about how they can minimize anxiety or behavioral incidents. Enlist other children to be inclusive in pre-planned activities with your grandchild.
• Prepare your grandchildren for what they will experience in celebrating the holidays with the family. Introduce family games, special foods or traditions in advance to them so that they know what to expect when they visit. Show them photographs of former family gatherings and people who will be guests.
• Invite your grandchildren to select and display some of the decorations. Choose those with little sensory stimulation. Blinking lights and moving ornaments can be especially distracting and disturbing to them.
• Tell your grandchildren, in advance, that you have provided a “safe, calm space” for them if they feel overwhelmed. Designate a quiet area with favorite activities where your grandchild can go if they become over stimulated. If you observe them becoming anxious, calmly take them to that space. Provide stuffed animals, a favorite blanket, a puzzle, crayons and other comforting items there for them.
• Improvise with a sheet over a table to create a quick “fort” for your grandchild if they seek some isolation.
• Have headphones or soft music available.
• Plan to have your grandchild’s favorite comfort foods available. Holiday menus may not please them or work with their diets. You may want to ask their parents to bring any special food they enjoy to your home.

Gift Giving Tips

• Shop by catalog or online with children so they can help to select and anticipate what gifts they will receive.
• Consider giving gifts one at a time, before and after the holiday, when there is less noise, fewer distractions and more time for the child to focus on the toys and other presents.
• Children with autism do not typically like surprises: take gift requests. Wrap gifts in clear cellophane or place a picture of the gift from the catalog on the attached gift card. Avoid noisy or glitzy wrapping paper.

“Priceless” Gifts for the Holidays – and for All Occasions

• Compliment, encourage and reinforce your grandchild’s parents often
• Provide respite childcare so that parents can spend time together
• Help with housekeeping chores, i.e. laundry, cleaning, pet sitting
• Take a grandchild to a regularly scheduled appointment or class
• Volunteer to bring in treats to your grandchildren’s classrooms
• Entertain siblings to enable more time for child with parents
• Freeze individual homemade meals for use when needed
• Offer your home for a family holiday or birthday party
• Invite grandchildren for sleepovers at your home
• Take your grandchild to the library weekly
• Offer to do carpools for a week or more
• Arrange for a play date in your home
• Take your grandchild on a picnic

Gift Suggestions for Any Budget

• Host birthday parties at local sites or offer to rent inflatable equipment at home
• Give an annual family membership to a favorite museum, acquarium, etc.
• Certificates for manicures, pedicures, massages or other spa services
• Coupons for restaurants, fast foods or meals delivered at home
• Gift cards for hobby/craft stores or for classes or supplies
• Sponsor a family day at the zoo or an amusement park
• Gift cards for department, electronic or book stores
• Support school lunch costs for a month or more
• Sponsor a needed service, activity or program
• Music lessons or other enrichment classes
• Movie tickets and money for refreshments
• Tickets for plays, concerts, sports events
• Fund a housekeeper for a day or more
• Purchase health club memberships
• Host a sleepover at your home

Here are Gift Certificates that you can print and use for holidays, milestone events or for any day.

HolidayCertif

AnyDayCertif

Gift Ideas for Teens and Adults

• Try a free trial membership together at a local gym
• Locate a new activity to join, e.g. bowling league, laser tag, YMCA or city sponsored group
• Watch CD’s or movies about a destination you want to visit and plan a trip to go there
• Give an annual membership to a favorite museum or other local attraction
• Gift certificates for personal care services, e.g. haircuts, manicures, massages, spa services
• Tickets for amusement parks, movies, concerts, sporting events
• Shop together for clothing, books, hobby or special interest items or research online for requested gifts
• Download apps for productivity and entertainment
• Commit time to sharing a favorite activity, once or on a regular basis throughout the year.

Dr. Erica R. Holding has a Ph.D. in Psychology and a Masters degree in Counseling Psychology. She is a Board Certified Behavior Analyst. Dr. Holding provides early diagnosis and ABA therapy for children, parent training and family support. This article is based on her many years of working with families affected by autism.

When you have a grandchild with autism, the holiday season can present some extra challenges for your family. With careful planning your family can make the holiday season warm and happy for everyone.

If you don’t get to see your grandchild regularly, it is important to remember to have realistic expectations for your time together. Before the visit, call your son or daughter to ask if there is anything to do or have on hand to make the visit more enjoyable for your grandchild. You can have favorite toys, food and videos ready and plan to go to places that they like to visit.

• Grandparents often express fear and anxiety about how to interact with their grandchildren. You may feel rejected because you expect welcoming big hugs and kisses and may feel frustrated and unloved if that does not happen. Your grandchild may have sensory issues that make it overwhelming and even painful for them to be touched or hugged. They may not have the skills yet to know what to do or how to respond or they may just be learning these skills, but shut down around new people or in new situations. The most important thing is to not take this personally. They are not rejecting you. A high five or brief gaze may be all that they are currently capable of doing.
• If you are planning a party or other special event, ask your son or daughter if they feel your grandchild will be comfortable being present. You may want to change your plan to be more inclusive and focus on creating new holiday traditions together.
• Keep demands for social politeness at a low level. Even if your grandchild has learned new social skills like greeting people by saying hello or shaking hands, don’t anticipate that will happen when there is a lot of stimuli like lights, music and new people in new settings.
• Pace yourself and be flexible. If you have 3 events planned for a day, but there is a midday meltdown after event #1, maybe it’s best to skip the others. It is better to have one great time together that you can all remember fondly than to watch the rest of the day deteriorate into tantrums or other behavior problems. New situations, new people, and new schedules can be overwhelming for a child with autism. Your grandchild is not being willfully defiant or difficult, and your son or daughter does not have poor parenting skills. Too much input and too many changes can be very hard for children with autism to process. Let your son or daughter know that you understand this may be what is responsible for meltdowns and negative behavior.
• Create outlets or escape routes. Prepare a place in your home that is quieter and provides a comfortable spot where you grandchild can “take a break” from all of the excitement. Having a place to go for some respite time may prevent you from having to leave or end an event. Just taking a break may be all that your grandchild needs to get on to the next event.
• Manage sensory input. The holiday season is filled with new experiences. Manage these to the best of your ability. If you are taking a trip to the mall, try to go at times when the mall is less busy, or make the trip shorter. The holidays might not be the best time to try new foods. Try to have something your grandchild likes at every meal.
• Control Schedules. Routines and knowing what is happening next is often very important to individuals on the spectrum. Holiday schedules deviate completely from our daily normal routines and this can be especially difficult for a child with autism. Ask your son or daughter how best to handle daily schedules. Some children with autism can be included in the schedule making and this is very empowering for them. Other children may be more able to understand when given a visual schedule. Find out what works best and if an unexpected change is just about to happen, find out how best to communicate that change.

Be sure to compliment your grandchild and your son or daughter about the new abilities and progress your grandchild has achieved. Grandparents can be supportive good listeners who consistently give their families loving reinforcement at the holidays – and throughout the year.

Think Ahead and Establish New Traditions

Plan how you can meet your family’s needs and set realistic expectations. Forgive yourself if the holiday is not “perfect,” and traditional. Modify celebrations to accommodate to your family’s needs. You may have to adapt your home, menu, schedule and family traditions in order to make a comfortable environment for your grandchild with autism. Afterwards, no one will remember what was on the table. They will remember who was at the table and how much they enjoyed being together.

A Family Affair

Notify family members that your grandchild may require extra help or vigilance. They can help to provide a safer environment for everyone. Plan family activities such as cookie decorating, Bingo, singing, sidewalk chalk play, bubbles, games or other activities where everyone, young and old, may participate together.

Prepare Your Grandchild for Special Occasions

Prepare children for new experiences or family celebrations well in advance, by frequently describing the details of the upcoming event. It will relieve anxieties and the children will know what behavior is appropriate for the occasion. Practice introductions and other social behaviors he may encounter before the holidays.

Use Social Stories and Schedules

Write or prepare a visual schedule of activities before the event so your grandchild can anticipate the sequence of events. Use drawings, cut out pictures or download them from the internet to help them understand what to expect. Discuss the schedule many times before the event.

Introduce Special Foods Before the Holiday

Sample holiday foods months or weeks ahead during snack times. Watch cooking shows and prepare some of the special recipes together. If eating habits or special diets are a concern, eat before leaving home or bring special foods with you.

Teach Your Grandchild Not to Touch things

Practice manners before the holidays and explain about the social behaviors that they will encounter. To help prevent touching or pulling off ornaments from the family Christmas tree, provide your grandchild with a “personal” miniature tree with simple decorations that is safe for play.

Communicate with FaceTime or Skype

Visit frequently with out-of-town relatives so children can utilize the Internet to develop relationships with family members who live at a distance. Prepare your grandchild with a special a video visit before the holidays, if possible. Sharing family picture albums before the holidays is also helpful.

Visit stores, Santa or holiday displays at times when they are not crowded.

Consider enjoying Santa or the sites as a “drive by” experience first because that can be less threatening than actually going there. If possible, gradually increase the time you spend shopping together until the child becomes comfortable with the routine and environment. Be sure to give small rewards for good behavior like staying close to you.

Plan to Attend Smaller Parties

Simplify. Do not overstay, it may cause problems for the child and others. Ask the party host to remove breakables from reach. If possible, drive in two cars so that your grandchild can leave early if they feel distressed. Put the needs of the child – and his parents – first.

Pack Special Food and Treats

If your grandchild has dietary limitations or needs, be sure to bring the food with you when you are invited out.

Bring a Favorite Quiet Toys

Pack a favorite video game, activity, music or stuffed animal for the child. Headphones or earplugs may also be helpful to moderate noise and activity levels around the child. If your grandchild has sensory issues with sounds, consider getting him noise cancelling headphones.

Plan an Alternative Activity

Prepare an area for respite time, away from the other guests. Have a favorite activity ready such as music, crayons, puzzles or other quiet activities available.

Prepare and Reward Children Who are Inclusive

Prepare typical children who are guests about your grandchild’s special needs. Plan games and activities that will be inclusive. Reinforce their good behavior with special treats and compliments.

As you enjoy Halloween with your grandchildren, here are some suggestions about how to keep them safe:

• Practice trick or treating before Halloween to prevent meltdowns if they don’t receive their favorite candy. Remind them there will be many homes to visit.
• Costumes can be scratchy and uncomfortable to wear. Suggest that they wear undergarments.
• Don’t anticipate engaging in every planned activities. Understand your grandchild’s limits and only do what they want to do.
• Create a visual schedule such as a map of where you will be going. Discuss how to look before crossing streets and the buddy system. Create a contact card in case you get separated and pin it to your grandchild’s costume.
• Praise your grandchild for socializing and taking turns when trick or treating.
• Sort through the treats to make sure there is nothing that is not allowed if your grandchild is on a special diet.
• Enjoy the fun and be sure to suggest brushing teeth!