By Bonnie Malkin Gillman, Founder

Because children with autism require more attention, therapies and support, the needs of their brothers and sisters are frequently overlooked.  Siblings share many of the same concerns their parents have regarding social isolation, the need for information and they worry about the caregiving expectations their parents have for them in the future.  Sometimes, they feel resentment, embarrassment and under great pressure to achieve.  They are frequently in the waiting room when “family centered” counseling and services are offered and are overlooked by support agencies.

Here are some ways you can help them:

• Plan to spend special time with siblings and be a good listener.  If you provide a safe, comfortable environment, they may express their concerns to you.
• When siblings argue, try to remember that typically developing children deserve a life where they, like other children, sometimes misbehave get angry and fight.  Try not to intervene with statements like “Leave your brother alone.  You are bigger, you are stronger, you should know better.  It is your job to compromise.”  They are already more likely to feel guilty about their sibling’s developmental needs and most siblings have disagreements from time to time.
• Siblings deserve to have their own personal safety given as much as their brother or sister who has special needs.  If they are in vulnerable situations due to aggressive or challenging behaviors, try to provide as much respite time as possible for them.  If possible, plan activities that will keep them apart and enable you to give your full attention to only one of them at a time.
• Offer to care for your grandchild with autism so that his/her parents can spend personal time away with their sibling(s).  It will convey the message that parents are supportive of all of their children and afford them the opportunity to communicate about their concerns.
• Important to Remember:  One child’s special needs should not overshadow another’s achievements and milestones.  Celebrate and reinforce the accomplishments of all of your grandchildren.

You may find more information about sibling support groups by calling your local children’s hospital or go online to these sites:

For All Ages: http://www.sibs.org.uk   http://www.siblingsupport.org/

For Adult Siblings: http://siblingleadership.org

When GAN became a non-profit organization in 2006, there was very little information known about autism, and nothing online to advise grandparents about how they could help their family members. GAN was established to provide evidence based information about autism to grandparents and to help them understand therapies and treatments. As more information is now available about how autism is diagnosed and treated, GAN has become more focused on providing lifetime resources for adults with autism.

At present, 90% of the financial support for people with autism is designated for children from birth to age 10 years old.  There are few adult resources, especially in newer communities, where they may not exist at all.  Grandparents can be very effective advocates in the development of new lifetime supports.  Here are some suggestions for ways in which you can advocate:

• Contact local Senators and Congressman to request more adult programs and services in your and your grandchild’s community
• Encourage community colleges to provide post-secondary or vocational education courses for people with developmental disabilities
• Help to increase employment opportunities by patronizing and complimenting businesses that already employ people with disabilities and encourage them to hire even more.
• Speak to business owners about employment opportunities for people with autism who may even have special abilities that match a job description. If possible, help to establish a business that employs people with autism.
• Advocate for or help to develop affordable residential or independent housing options for people with disabilities
• Identify and increase community medical, legal, recreational and social lifetime resources

We can become strong advocates for our grandchildren, even if they live at a distance.  Send an email, make a call or engage with a business owner when you’re dining out or shopping. It’s easy to do!