Alexandra J. Rogers, Ph.D., is a licensed clinical psychologist and member of GAN. She gives special thanks to Donna Willians and Tito Rajarshi Mukhopadhyay – adult persons with autism, who wrote books about their lives; books which included descriptions of how they think and how they experience the world around them.

Why is it so important for grandparents to help?

Children and adults on the autism spectrum learn differently than others and the learning does not necessarily carry over to other situations and settings. To put it simply, telling our grandchild or demonstrating a behavior once or twice will not necessarily help them learn the behaviors or remember them. This makes grandparents so very important because we can teach similar behaviors in a variety of locations, and with different people, many times. Grandparents are rumored to be patient, which makes us great teachers, because we can repeat more slowly and many more times in order to teach and re-teach and re-teach in different settings.

What is required to teach a child with autism?

You will need persistence, patience, some knowledge about their style of learning and how to motivate them. The first segment educates you about how to help your grandchildren learn and retain skills, how to get their attention, and how to best motivate them. The second segment gives examples and tips on how to teach the different life skills. The third segment discusses the importance of communication.

Things To Remember When Teaching

Kids on the autism spectrum don’t have the capacity to know what you could be thinking. They have no concept of other people’s feelings or thoughts, so it does not occur to them to want to please you by doing something. However, they do want attention from loved adults in their life and get jealous of attention you give to siblings. They also respond to comments like “good job” or “high 5” after they’ve done some task. But first you have to make sure you have their attention. Generally, they do not pay attention to you unless you are holding their favorite food or the iPad or some electronic gadget they want. Even when you do speak directly to them, they still might not be listening or paying attention.

The reasons for that could be:

• They are not really interested
• They don’t know that you are talking to them
• They are not looking at what you are demonstrating
• They stopped listening to you after the first few words
• They don’t have enough language knowledge to know what you are saying
• They would prefer to go to their room and be left alone
• They are focused on old movies or songs running in their head
• They are focused on their headache or stomach ache

Why does it take so many repetitions in different places?

This lack of attention makes teaching anything new a challenge, and requires many repetitions in different environments, in order for the lesson to stick.

When you talk to people with autism who have some understanding of how they learn, you may find out that learning is sequential. First this happened, then the next thing happened, then the third thing happened. The sequence of events is saved in memory in that specific sequence for that specific environment.

For example, your grandchild’s parents may have taught him or her to clear their plate after dinner, rinse it and put it into the dishwasher. Unless you specifically teach the same behavior at your house, you will not see this behavior, because it has not generalized. It does not occur to them that a behavior learned in one place would be appropriate or required in another place, even though both places are a kitchen.

Schedules seem to be the best way to keep motivation and cooperation throughout the day. Kids on the spectrum learn sequentially, and retain information sequentially and love to stick to schedules of their own making. They also love to watch the same movies over and over again much later in life than other kids. It thrills them to anticipate a favorite part, know when it’s coming and when it actually happens.

Many parents and grandparents struggle with the internal schedules and sequences of the kids with autism, because not sticking to a schedule will lead to much unhappiness on the part of the child or a huge tantrum / meltdown.

For example, you may have developed a habit of taking the kids to McDonalds after school, and you take a certain route to get there. Today, it occurs to you to pick up dry cleaning on the way. The dry cleaner is one street over. The meltdown might start as soon as you get off the regular route.

Another example, you tell your verbal grandson that you will stop for French fries, but first you have to go to the cleaners. After you leave the house, you decide you need to pick up some milk on the way. As soon as the boy notices that you are not on the route to the cleaners, the protest starts.

The same system that causes all this drama can be used to gain motivation and cooperation. All you have to do is make the schedule first, share it with the child and stick to it. You have them verbalize what comes next, or point to the picture of what comes next. If they protest, you show them the schedule and say “Look, it’s time to brush teeth” or “Look, it’s time to put the clothes in the dryer”.

Try to do things without rewards, because it breaks the pace of learning, and puts the focus on the reward instead of the activity. The same thing happens if you say “good job” after each “baby step”. It gives them the idea they do not have to go on, or it’s time for a break. It is best to just re-focus them on the schedule / task.

Videotaping Or Picture Taking As Motivator

I found that videotaping the kids on the cell phone to show mommy and daddy works with kids on the autism spectrum as well as other kids. I typically say, “I’m going to videotape this for mommy and daddy”, and then start the tape while I give instructions and the child is doing whatever they are supposed to do, or not, in which case I correct and redirect. Then I show the video to the child right after the task was completed. They are always interested. I show the video to the parents in front of the child, when they come to pick up the child. Since I use the cell phone while I am interacting with the child, sometimes the videos show walls or darkness if there is a spill or some other accident, but I keep the video rolling and go back to good picture framing when the crisis is over.

What if I cannot get their attention when I say their name?

Sometimes, the kids are zoned out, their eyes are open but they look like they are not seeing. To shake off this state, you get them up and doing some exercises. It could be running in place, dancing, or tickling. If you cannot rouse them with their favorite activities, postpone the lesson. They have to be able to focus for any learning to happen.

Why is exercise important?

Unless your grandchild is one of those in constant motion, he/she will have to be prodded into physical activity. Physical activity is important for growth, strength, proper chemical distribution and manufacture throughout the body. This is true of all of us, and applies to grandchildren as well. Children who have plenty of exercise will be able to focus on what you want to teach them. So any chance you have to take them to the park, skating, gymnastics, beach, river, pool or some other water attraction – do it. They always say no, until you’ve taken them several times and they are used to it.

How To Use Schedules

I cannot overemphasize schedules or the importance of making a schedule specific to the child. For younger children or those who cannot read, you can make schedules of pictures. Please remember that your grandchild will be dependent on schedules throughout his/her life. Deviation from schedules is disorienting for people with this disorder and could
lead to total collapse for the rest of the day. This could lead to extreme levels of stress and inability to move forward with anything. Think of it as a silent meltdown.

Parents and grandparents used to spend hours on making visual schedules by hand. Now, you can make them on the iPad or the computer. When you look at the websites below, you will see examples of how others use schedules. This will help you construct your own.

Here are some websites which make it easier for printable schedules.

Visual Schedules for Autistic Children

Reminder Strips

Here is an example of an electronic schedule

Visual Schedule Planner